Listen to the Snow
by ChangingTheCircumstances
Summary: Continuation of 2X02 where Lt. Courtenay fails in trying to commit suicide (AU). Later, at Christmas time that same year, when depression comes to him again, Thomas and Sybil help him get through it once more. Thomas/Edward and K plus for mentions of suicide.


**AN: First off, gotta say that I can't believe Edward Courtenay died! I seriously thought he was going to end up being a main character but Sybil found him and I just couldn't help but burst out crying. Seeing as it's near Christmas now, I made this (obviously AU) fic to help combat my feels. This is my first fic for Downton Abbey so reviews are greatly appreciated. I also apologize in advance for any spelling errors seeing as I did upload this at 12.00 in the morning on Christmas Eve.**

* * *

The war still went on but that didn't mean Christmas couldn't be celebrated and many seemed to think that as on Christmas Eve Downton Abbey was decorated. Yes, it wouldn't be as big or as great as it usually was at Downton Abbey, and with the home having been converted to a hospital it would certinally feel strange, but keeping up spirits was probably one of the most important things anyone stuck at home could do at this time.

Edward was especially one that seemed to need cheering up. For quit sometime now, he hadn't been feeling depressed since his suicidal episode. However, of recent, Edward did seem down about something and Thomas and Sybil felt the need to keep an eye on him even more.

Both Sybil and Thomas tried to figure out a way to get Edward to admit what was wrong without directly asking him but when that didn't seem to work, Sybil simply said, "Are you alright? You haven't seemed quite like yourself."

That didn't work though, Edward simply ignoring the question, lost in his own thoughts. It wasn't until all three were out walking that Sybil and Thomas were able to figure out what was wrong.

Edward had made excellent progress by now and could usually get around just fine but the snow must've made it more difficult than usual and he fell to the ground, his friends just barely able to catch him in time. Usually when this happened he'd brush it off and push himself back up but this time he stayed down, tears falling from his sightless eyes.

"Edward what's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?" Sybil asked quickly, going into nurse mode and already checking for injuries.

However, Edward quickly shook his head as he replied, "No it's just that . . . I'm so useless now. No one cares about me and all I do is hinder people-"

"Do not say that!" Thomas shouted, interrupting him. He gripped tighter to Edward's hand, taking a quick look around to make sure no one could see them (at least not clearly) and gave him a quick, soft kiss on the cheek. "What could ever make you say that?"

For a moment, Edward didn't say anything, the tears still coming. Sybil got fully onto the ground now, taking hold of Edward's other hand. "Please," she said softly, "tell us what's wrong."

With a shuddering breath, Edward closed his eyes, not that it made any difference for him, and then opened them once more. They were clear of tears now but it was obvious he was still deeply pained. "You know of that letter that I got a few days back? The one from my brother?"

At one point, Sybil and Thomas would've simply nodded but they had gotten use to not using very many motions to express an opinion or answer a question. "Yes," they both replied, clear worry in their faces as they wondered what could've been in that letter.

"He . . . well you see . . . you know how he's made hints about getting rid of me? Not just as someone who use to help with chores and work but as a brother?" Once again Sybil and Thomas answered yes. "Well, he put it quite plainly now. He told me he's getting married and that . . . that he can't have a crippled brother bringing down his family! He even had the nerve. The nerve! to say that he would prefer it if I simply didn't co-come b-b-back at . . . at . . ."

Finally he trailed off into sobs, the tears coming back again.

"But . . . he's your brother!" Sybil finally got out. "How could he just abandon you like that?"

"Because I mean nothing-"

Thomas interrupted again saying, "You do mean something Edward. You do! I use to be told I was nothing. That I was worthless and by my own parents nonetheless but if I hadn't ignored them then I would never have gotten this far. I wouldn't have met Sybil or you."

"You have sight though."

"If you still think that is the only thing that brings a person worth then you are _still _completely wrong," Thomas replied.

"I agree," said Sybil. "You could have the most perfect vision of any person I had ever met but if you were cruel or rude in anyway then I probably never would've approached you without proof of some humanity inside of you. You never blame anyone but you always blame yourself it seems and you need to stop that because everything is not always your fault. I care about you, Thomas cares about you." At this she could help but glance over at Thomas and smile at him. "You have worth and as long as you remain yourself you will keep that worth."

"Besides it's Christmas Even now, the first one where all three of us are able to be togehter," put in Thomas. "Please understand that Sybil and I do care and that we both would like it that this holiday help lift your spirits. Of course there's trouble and there will always be trouble but at least for a few days forget them please."

His breath came in unsteady but Edward nodded, now leaning against Thomas. However, he froze, his eyes narrowing slightly as he cocked his head to the side.

"What is-" Thomas tried but was quickly quited. He, as well as Sybil, could tell that Edward was hearing something but what exactly they weren't sure.

Closing his eyes, trying to concentrate as much as possible, Edward finally said, "Listen. Listen to the snow."

It was only at that moment that the three of them realized that during their talking, a heavy snow had begun to fall. It was the first snowfall this winter.

Sybil and Thomas strained their ears but they just couldn't hear it. Sybil eventually said, "Thomas and I can't here it. Could you tell us what it sounds like?"

With eyes still closed he replied, "Like rain but softer. Not exactly melodic like when it's heavily raining either but still comforting in its own way."

Thomas smiled, finally moving, pulling Edward to his feet along with Sybil's help. "See it's already a beautiful Christmas Eve so let's enjoy it," Thomas said.

Edward nodded, a small sigh escaping his lips but a smile slowly appeared on his face nonetheless. He did honestly feel better after getting all that off his chest.

"Now, do you want to keep walking or would you rather go back to the house?" Sybil then asked.

"Keep walking I think, get myself looking a little better again," replied Edward, his tear stained face still slightly red. He then glanced in the general direction of Thomas wondering outloud, "And could we . . . well . . . have sometime-"

"Don't worry," replied Sybil. "I'll keep watch."

The three friends all smiled at each other, even if only two could see those smiles as they then continued their walk in the winter's first snowfall.


End file.
